Are Love and Commitment Enough for a Lasting Marriage?
Marriage is built on love and commitment, but is that enough to ensure a lasting, fulfilling relationship? Research says couples who invest in premarital counseling are 31% less likely to divorce and report higher marital satisfaction. Whether you're newly engaged or thinking about the future, premarital counseling can help you lay the foundation for a resilient, thriving marriage.
The Benefits of Premarital Counseling
- Improved Communication & Conflict Resolution – Learn evidence-based strategies to navigate disagreements without resentment or avoidance.
- Financial Planning & Money Mindset – Align your financial goals, understand each other's spending habits, and develop a shared financial strategy.
- Stronger Commitment & Relationship Satisfaction – Learn skills to enhance intimacy and long-term connection.
- Lower Risk of Divorce – Studies show premarital counseling decreases divorce rates by 30%.
The Four Horsemen of Relationship Destruction
Dr. John Gottman identified four destructive communication patterns that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy:
- Criticism – Attacking a partner's character instead of addressing a specific issue
- Contempt – Expressing superiority through mockery or sarcasm
- Defensiveness – Reacting to criticism with excuses or blame
- Stonewalling – Emotionally withdrawing from the conversation
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." – Dr. John Gottman
❌ Example Without Antidotes:
Anna (Criticism):
"You never plan ahead! You're so irresponsible!"
Jordan (Contempt):
(Rolling his eyes) "Oh great, here we go again."
Anna (Defensiveness):
"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to handle money if you weren't so bad at it."
Jordan (Stonewalling):
(Storms out without responding.)
✅ How It Looks Using the Antidotes:
Anna (Gentle Startup):
"Hey Jordan, I've been feeling a little stressed about our budget lately. Would you be willing to sit down and plan out our next few months together? I know we both want to feel more secure."
Jordan (Appreciation):
"Of course. And honestly, you've done a great job keeping track of everything so far. I probably don't say that enough."
Anna (Responsibility and Validation):
"Thanks for saying that. I know I can sometimes get anxious about money and maybe bring it up in a way that feels overwhelming. I really appreciate you hearing me out."
Jordan (Self-Soothing):
(Feeling his frustration starting to rise) "I'm getting a little overwhelmed too. Can we take a 30-minute break and then come back to this? I want to make sure we both feel good about the conversation."
🔎 Notice What Changed:
- No personal attacks – Criticism is replaced with a Gentle Startup.
- Focus on positive efforts – Appreciation replaces Contempt.
- Owning part of the problem – Responsibility and Validation replace Defensiveness.
- Pausing without withdrawing – Self-Soothing replaces Stonewalling.
Common Myths About Premarital Counseling
Many believe counseling is only for relationships in crisis.
Some think premarital counseling is only for faith-based couples.
People often assume counseling is just conversation without actionable tools.
Counseling is about strengthening your relationship before challenges arise. Even happy couples benefit from learning skills that improve their long-term connection.
Premarital counseling is rooted in relationship psychology and evidence-based techniques that apply to all relationships, regardless of religious background.
Sessions include interactive exercises, conflict resolution techniques, and structured relationship-building tools designed to create lasting change.
What to Expect in Therapy By You's 8-Week Premarital Counseling Program
Learning our beginnings gives us insight into potential future issues. No lifelong relationship is free of conflict—and that's okay. Counseling helps you prepare and remain receptive to inevitable challenges.
Many of our relationship behaviors stem from childhood experiences. How did your parents show affection? How did they handle conflict? Most of us replicate what we've seen.
The Gottman Relationship Checklist provides a clinical assessment of your strengths and areas of growth. This data-driven approach helps tailor counseling sessions to your unique relationship dynamics.
One common mistake couples make is agreeing just to end an argument or over-apologizing to avoid conflict. However, an apology should reflect personal growth—not just be a reaction to a partner's emotions. Premarital counseling teaches assertive, honest communication so apologies are meaningful and lasting.
A healthy relationship requires ongoing effort. The State of the Union Check-In provides a structured way to ensure both partners feel heard, validated, and aligned.
A lasting marriage isn't about agreeing on everything—it's about compromising effectively. Counseling helps identify core needs behind disagreements so both partners feel valued.
Traditions reflect deeper needs—whether religious, familial, or cultural. Counseling helps couples articulate why these traditions matter and integrate them meaningfully into their future together.
One of the hardest skills in a relationship is holding space for a partner's feelings without getting defensive. Counseling reinforces listening, slowing down conversations, and ensuring each partner feels heard before moving forward.
Are You Ready for Marriage?
FAQ – Common Questions About Premarital Counseling
Sessions are one hour long.
Hesitation is normal. We encourage a free consultation call to explore any concerns.
Yes, virtual sessions are available.
Yes, but religious beliefs can be integrated if desired.
Premarital counseling is designed for engaged couples, but long-term partners can also benefit.
The program allows for short pauses if needed but is best completed consistently.