If you’re preparing to say “I do,” you’re not just planning a ceremony. Are you and your partner truly prepared to make this commitment last?
Most newlyweds crash within the first two years of their marriages. Why? One reason is that they failed to ask each other the important questions and discuss each other’s answers.
Before you and your partner can discuss these hot topics, you need to establish a framework that helps couples discuss these issues productively:
- Schedule It: Don’t ambush your partner; set a specific time to talk when neither of you is distracted. The goal is always understanding first, solutions second.
- Know Your Role: Only one person should speak at a time, and those listening should paraphrase and ask clarifying questions. When speaking, use “I statements” such as “I feel unseen” or “I feel overwhelmed” when discussing your emotional needs.
- Optimize Non-Verbal Communication: Sit next to or diagonally from each other, hold hands, and stay in a private space. This sense of connection improves overall communication.
- Use Timeouts if Needed: Focus on one topic at a time, and take a mandatory 20-minute break to regulate before returning to the conversation.
- Look for Agreements: To keep things positive, experts recommend a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. End the discussion by appreciating your partner’s effort, even if you did not reach a solution.
These “rules for communication” make it a lot easier. This, in turn, helps couples discuss money, intimacy, and other important issues where their values don’t completely align.
Therapy By You is here in Bingham Farms, Michigan, to help with our premarital counseling program. Contact us so you and your partner can secure the foundation of your relationship!
5 Ways Premarital Discussions Are Applied in Counseling
Most couples enter a marriage with high expectations. In most cases, they don’t know what they’ve inherited from their pasts, and how that affects the present.
Your therapist examines the issues that affect a marriage, such as money, parenting, and intimacy. They’ll ask you and your partner specific questions to help reveal how you view these issues.
Here’s a closer look at how these discussions in premarital counseling work, and how it leads to a greater understanding between you and your partner:
1. Helpful Conflict Resolution
Every relationship experiences tension, which often affects communication. Research shows that 70% of relationship issues stem from personality differences.
When communication fails, anger wins, and this “demon talk” is not good for your marriage. It often leads to one partner pursuing the connection while the other withdraws.
During premarital counseling, your therapist might encourage couples to ask each other these questions:
- “When I am stressed, I tend to [blank]. What about you?”
- “What are your ‘raw points?’” (Specific words or actions that make you feel criticized or abandoned.)
- “What are our ground rules for an argument? How do we agree to take a timeout?”
These prompts allow you and your partner to dig deep to discover your triggers. You’ll also apply proven techniques to resolve conflicts and grow closer together.
2. Addressing Money Issues
“How much money do you believe is fair for each of us to spend without checking in with each other?”
While this seems like a simple question, it could lead to arguments between a couple. Money is one of the most common causes of problems in new marriages.
To avoid money arguments, your therapist guides your premarital discussions you and your partner identify the ideas you have about money. From there, you’ll develop the skills you need to work as a team to help avoid future arguments about money.
3. Maintaining Intimacy Amid Stress
When life gets hectic, a couple’s romantic connection often suffers. Counseling can help you and your partner protect and maintain your intimacy.
Your premarital discussions can start by asking this question:
- “How do you prefer to give and receive affection when you’re stressed out or tired?”
From there, your therapist works with you and your loved one to address a variety of intimacy issues.
They’ll help you identify strategies to recognize these issues and prevent them from becoming bigger problems.
4. Building Healthy Parenting Traditions
It’s important to discuss your parenting philosophies before you and your partner decide to have children. Premarital counseling can help.
Your therapist might start things off by asking these questions:
- “What roles did your parents play in the house?
- Which of those patterns do you want to replicate or avoid in yours?”
The discussion you and your partner have while answering these questions allows your therapist to guide you to solutions.
5. Extended Family and Boundaries
Interference from extended family is a hidden hazard for many newlyweds. You and your partner could use effective strategies to manage this added stress.
To help identify issues, your therapist may ask you and your partner this question:
- “How will we handle it when one of our families makes a request that conflicts with our needs as a couple?”
Your answers to this and other important questions help set the framework for what must be addressed in therapy.
Building a Partnership That Lasts: Therapy By You
Your relationship deserves more than just hoping for the best. Premarital discussions in a therapeutic setting can help strengthen your relationship.
At Therapy By You in Bingham Farms, our premarital counseling helps you and your partner navigate life together. We’ll help you develop the tools that help both of you stay in it for the long haul.
Imagine understanding how to overcome the biggest challenges to your marriage before you say, “I do.” Call (248) 919-8092, or contact us online to learn more!
