How to Properly Process Anger for Healthier Living

Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions when it comes to mental health. Some people think it’s “bad,” while others confuse it with a superpower.  

The truth about this emotion is rather straightforward: it’s a human emotion that needs to be properly understood and processed. To help you process anger, we’ll discuss these important factors:

1. How the emotion rewards your mind and body, and why this needs to be understood.
2. Venting is not a productive or helpful way of processing what you’re feeling.
3. The difference between primary and secondary emotions.
4. The three-step process to help you process in a positive manner.

At Therapy By You, we guide people in helpful ways to work with their anger without letting it ruin their lives. Stop struggling and call (248) 919-8092 or contact us online to get the help you need!

4 Things Everyone Should Know To Process Anger

Understanding this emotion is the first step toward improving your mental health. The key is to stop thinking of this emotion as a “failure ” on your part, or something you can’t control. 

Therapy is the best way to learn how to understand, process, and ultimately helpfully manage these complicated emotions. 

Here’s an overview of four things you’ll learn while working with the area’s top therapist:

1. Anger is Your “Emotional Bodyguard” 

This emotion isn’t a villain to be suppressed nor a superpower to be praised. It functions as an “emotional bodyguard” that tries to protect people from their underlying vulnerabilities. 

When you think of it as a “bodyguard” of sorts, you’ll better understand it. In this role, it helps “protect” you by offering these short-term benefits: 

• Armor: It steps in when the more painful feelings of shame, sadness, and helplessness become too heavy.
• Illusion of Clarity: This emotion gives your brain a specific target to focus on. This feels much safer than sitting with feelings of powerlessness.
• Empowerment: This high-arousal emotion gives you energy as it pushes you toward a problem rather than away from it.

The problem with these “gifts” is that they come with a price. While your softer feelings might seem “protected,” you’re blinded to what’s going on inside of you.

2. Venting Isn’t a Healthy Response

Many people think that anger works like a pressure cooker that needs to be released. They’ll vent by ranting and raving, going to rage rooms, or engaging in aggressive exercise. 

Unfortunately, the research contradicts this notion that releasing your feelings in these ways actually helps. Here’s the sobering truth about raging out:

• Arousal States: Activities that increase physical arousal tend to worsen things.
• Neuroplasticity: Venting rehearses what’s upsetting you instead of releasing it. This keeps your brain in that heightened mode, which makes it easier to trigger in the future.
• Digestion vs. Expression: Healthy management is not about digesting the emotion, not dumping it onto something else.

Therapy can help you process what you’re feeling in a way that allows you to examine the deeper emotions buried beneath it.

3. The Emotions That Anger Hides

There are two types of emotions that your fury reacts to: primary and secondary. Becoming famliar with these emotions helps you better understand yourself:

• Primary Emotion: Your initial, raw response to a situation, such as feeling hurt or scared.
• Secondary Emotion: More vulnerable feelings that the wrathful feelings are trying to protect you from experiencing.

For example, let’s say someone is angry that their partner forgot to do something they promised. Primarily, you’re upset because they didn’t follow through; the secondary emotions are feeling unimportant, unseen, or ignored. 

Therapy helps people by teaching them to recognize secondary emotions and deal with them.

4. The 3-Step Process to Working with Anger

You can’t use logic to address these emotions in the moment because it is a full-body activation. Your body reacts before your brain does, so you must first process it physically.

When you work with a therapist, they’ll coach you through this three-step strategy for identifying and processing anger:

1. Identify the Physical Cues: When you’re angry, you might feel a tight chest, locked jaw, or shortened breath. Catching these early can help you stop the emotion from taking control.
2. Bring Down the Heat: Use somatic techniques to calm your nervous system, activate your parasympathetic nervous system, and lower your heart rate.
3. Translate the Feelings: Once you’re calm, ask yourself what your anger is reacting to, what feels threatened, and what you actually need.

By now, you’re ready to find the best therapist to put your emotional management plan into action. 

Process Your Anger with a Professional at Therapy By You 

While it’s is a natural human emotion, anger doesn’t have to rule your life. At Therapy By You, our therapist, Mike Shihadeh, starts by helping you identify the sources of your emotions and more.

As your therapy continues, Mike shares helpful techniques that help you identify primary and secondary emotions and more.

Isn’t it time to develop a strategy to gain greater control over your life? Call (248) 919-8092 or contact us online to make mindful changes in your life!