Does Premarital Counseling Help?

Premarital Counseling Michigan

Is Love Enough for a Lasting Marriage?

Marriage is built on love and commitment, but is that enough to ensure a lasting, fulfilling relationship? Research says couples who invest in premarital counseling are 31% less likely to divorce and report higher marital satisfaction (Premarital Education Study, Marriage Prep 101). Whether you're newly engaged or thinking about the future, premarital counseling can help you lay the foundation for a resilient, thriving marriage.

What are the Benefits of Premarital Counseling?

• Improved Communication & Conflict Resolution – Learn strategies to avoid resentment and improve communication.
• Financial Planning & Money Mindset – Align your financial goals and avoid future stressors.
• Stronger Commitment & Relationship Satisfaction – Develop skills to strengthen intimacy and connection.
• Lower Risk of Divorce – Premarital counseling can reduce divorce risk by ~30%.

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What the Science Says About Lasting Marriages

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”– Dr. John Gottman

Gottmans Four Horsemen of Relationship Destruction

Dr. John and Julie Gottman identified four destructive communication habits that predict divorce better than any other factor:

• Criticism – Attacking a partner’s character instead of addressing a specific issue.

• Contempt – Expressing superiority through mockery or sarcasm.

• Defensiveness – Reacting to criticism with excuses or blame instead of taking responsibility.

• Stonewalling – Emotionally withdrawing from the conversation to avoid conflict.

🚫 Example: In an argument about finances: Anna tells Jordan, "You never plan ahead! You’re so irresponsible!" (Criticism). Jordan rolls his eyes and mutters, "Oh great, here we go again" (Contempt). When Anna calls him out, he says, "Well maybe I wouldn’t have to handle money if you weren’t so bad at it" (Defensiveness). Jordan then storms out (Stonewalling).
👉 Premarital counseling helps couples identify and replace these patterns before they take root.

In session we'lll explore what triggers theses horsemen and practice the antitodes to prevent them from runing a converstaion that can otherwise prove to be helpful for the longevity of your relationship!

• Gentle Startup- Express concerns without blame or fault to create a space where your partner can truly listen.
• Appreciation- Show gratitude for your partner’s efforts beyond just the moment they occur; reinforce positive behaviors consistently.
• Responsibility- Acknowledge how your actions or inactions contribute to discomfort in your partner and take ownership of them.
• Self-Soothing- Recognize when you're becoming overwhelmed and take proactive steps to regulate your emotions before they escalate.

✅ Example (Using Healthier Communication Skills):

In a discussion about finances: Anna says, "I’ve been feeling stressed about our budget and would love to plan it together" (Gentle Startup). Jordan responds, "I appreciate how much you handle our finances, it's something I never liked to do. I want to be more involved, but don't know how." (Appreciation). Anna adds, "I realize I sometimes make decisions without checking in, and expect you would check a. I want us to do this as a team, so we can both repect our budget" (Responsibility). When Jordan feels overwhelmed, he says, "I need a quick break, but let’s revisit this in 15 minutes" (Self-Soothing).

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Common Myths About Premarital Counseling

🚫 "Counseling is only for struggling couples."
✅ Reality: Counseling strengthens even happy relationships.

🚫 "I'm not religious, so it won’t work."
✅ Reality: Counseling is based on psychological techniques, not just faith-based methods.

🚫 "It’s just talking—we won’t learn practical skills."
✅ Reality: Sessions include interactive exercises and tools for long-term success.

What to Expect in Our 8-Week Premarital Counseling Program

Week 1: Intake, Love Story & Gottman Checkup

Before mapping out your future, it's important to understand where your relationship started. What first drew you to each other? What values have shaped your relationship so far? This session helps you reflect on your journey together while also completing the Gottman Relationship Checkup, a research-backed assessment that identifies your strengths and potential growth areas.

Week 2: Individual Intake Sessions

Many of our relationship habits—both positive and negative—stem from childhood experiences and past relationships. In individual sessions, each partner explores:

• ✔ How their family modeled love, conflict, and emotional connection
• ✔ Unspoken fears, triggers, or past wounds that might affect the relationship
• ✔ Personal needs and expectations for marriage

Week 3: Gottman Assessment Review & Relationship Roadmap

Now that we've explored your personal histories, it's time to focus on your shared future. We'll use your Gottman Checkup results to tailor a relationship roadmap, addressing key areas such as emotional connection, shared values, and future aspirations.

We'll also introduce Gottman's "Sound Relationship House" model, a proven framework for building a successful marriage.

Week 4: Conflict, Communication & The Science of Connection

Every couple fights—but how you argue matters more than how often. This session focuses on:

• ✔ Identifying and replacing the Four Horsemen of Relationship Destruction (Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling)
• ✔ Learning healthy conflict resolution techniques that prevent resentment
• ✔ Practicing repair attempts—ways to de-escalate arguments and reconnect

Week 5: State of the Union & Relationship Maintenance

Healthy relationships require ongoing effort and regular check-ins. In this session, you'll learn how to:

• ✔ Conduct a "State of the Union" meeting to discuss feelings, needs, and concerns before small issues become big problems
• ✔ Create a culture of emotional bids—subtle ways partners seek connection and how to respond positively
• ✔ Maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions for long-term happiness

Week 6: Future Planning – Money, Careers & Family

Disagreements over finances, career ambitions, and family planning are some of the biggest sources of marital stress. This session helps couples:

• ✔ Align on financial goals, spending habits, and budgeting strategies
• ✔ Discuss career ambitions and how to support each other's professional growth
• ✔ Explore expectations around children, parenting styles, and family dynamics

Week 7: Building Shared Meaning & Cultural Integration

Marriage isn't just about two people—it often involves blending different traditions, cultural backgrounds, and family expectations. In this session, you'll:

• ✔ Discuss which traditions matter most to each partner and why
• ✔ Explore ways to integrate cultural or religious practices meaningfully
• ✔ Create new rituals and traditions that reflect your unique relationship

Week 8: Closing Session & Long-Term Relationship Growth

Marriage is a lifelong journey, and growth doesn't stop after counseling. In this final session, we'll:

• ✔ Reflect on the key lessons and strategies learned over the past eight weeks
• ✔ Create a Marriage Growth Plan—a structured strategy for maintaining communication, intimacy, and connection in the years to come
• ✔ Set up an annual check-in tradition to keep your relationship strong long after the wedding day

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Are You Ready for Marriage?

• Have we discussed financial and career goals?
• Do we have effective communication strategies?
• Are we aligned on values and future planning?
• Do we know how to resolve conflicts productively?

FAQS

• How long are sessions?

  Sessions typically last 45 minutes to an hour.

• What if my partner is hesitant about counseling?

  Hesitation is normal. We encourage a free consultation call to explore any concerns.

• Can we do virtual sessions?

  Yes, virtual sessions are available.

• Is this different from religious marriage prep?

  The premarital 8-week program is designed to allow religious integrate, however, the plan itself is not built on the biases of religious marriage prep.

• Do we need to be engaged to sign up?

  Premarital counseling is designed for engaged couples, but long-term partners can benefit from our couples therapy program.

• What if we can’t attend all 8 weeks?

  The program allows for short pauses if needed but is best completed consistently.

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Works Cited:

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.

• Williamson, H., et al. (Year). Premarital education linked with better communication, higher commitment, and lower odds of divorce. Journal of Family Psychology.

• MarriagePrep101. (n.d.). Premarital education benefits: Higher marital satisfaction & lower divorce rates.

• Wolcott Counseling & Wellness. (n.d.). Premarital counseling benefits: Communication, conflict resolution, and proactive relationship skills.